Being that my birthday is in December, I have always loved Christmas. It is by far my favorite holiday. There are other people with December birthdays who don't like getting their gifts close together or having the house decorated for Christmas on their birthday, or dread the combined Christmas/birthday gift, but honestly, I don't mind any of it. So as I get older each year I find myself wondering why I am so stressed about Christmas and why I seem to like it less and less each year. Well, this morning in the shower (which is where I do all my pondering on life as it is the only place where I am alone), I had an epiphany that hit me like a cup of hot chocolate on a really snowy day, it warmed me from head to toe, or maybe that was just the hot shower. Anyway, here it goes...the things I love about Christmas are that it is a time of loving and giving, of focusing on making others happy and of surprising them with secret acts of kindness. I don't know why it has taken me 36 years to realize this, (I know it's almost 37, but that is still 10 days away and I haven't come to terms with that yet) but two of our countries most treasured Christmas traditions, namely the Letter to Santa or Christmas Wish List and sitting on Santa's lap are the culprits of what is ruining the Spirit of Christmas. If Christmas is supposed to be about giving then why do we train our children from birth to focus on asking for gifts instead. The whole purpose of the Letter to Santa and waiting in lines at department stores (that should have been the clue right there) to sit on Santa's lap is to tell him what we
want. I mean, have you ever heard Santa ask a child what they are going to give this year? And yes, we do take our kids to see Santa (as evidenced by the picture above), but only because I feel it's my parental duty as it makes the kids happy, but I sit there cringing the whole time wondering what they are going to ask for that they might not get. So, I am going to say it...I don't like Santa; or at least not the Santa that he is today. I love the St. Nick of old who gave freely to those who would otherwise go without on Christmas Day.
In my opinion the best gifts are those that we don't ask for, but are given as a surprise from someone who knows us and has put some thought into what we might like. The two best Christmas gifts I have ever received were a keyboard from my parents and a clarinet from my children (see picture above, and yes, those are happy tears), neither of which were gifts I had asked for. Both gifts were ones that were given with thought and love. As a child, I was raised not to ask for gifts, but to always be grateful when they were given and the idea of returning a gift was not one I even knew existed. In the beginning of our marriage when the kids were young, it was easy to just give them something we knew they would like and then Christmas was about giving. However, as they got older, fell into the commercialism trap and in response to family members that would ask, "What do you want for Christmas?" they got the idea of making a Christmas Wish List. And it's not all the kids' fault, I've noticed that in the last couple of years that we have actually sat them down and said, "Ok, what do you want for Christmas?" and then we have been surprised when they weren't focused on giving to others, but on what they wanted. In our family, one way we have tried to lessen the commercialism is to say that they are getting 3 gifts, one from Santa, one from mom and one from dad and that these 3 gifts represent the 3 gifts the wise men gave to Baby Jesus. After all, that is the reason we give gifts at Christmas, is it not? When did we go from getting a couple simple gifts like a doll or a rocking horse to each child having a long Christmas list and the pressure to buy them everything on the list, not to mention that the gifts seem to be getting more and more expensive and complicated (aka. electronic) as the years progress. This practice is either setting our children up for disappointment when they don't get everything they want or creating overindulged brats who do get everything they want. I believe that one's birthday is the one day of the year when you can expect to be showered with gifts and focus on oneself, but that is just not what Christmas should be about.
Although we always try to find ways to make the Christmas season special by making cookies for our friends, making homemade gifts, and providing gifts for children in need, it just isn't enough. Therefore, although I cannot completely undo all the damage done over the years for this Christmas, I can take the liberty to make a few resolutions before the new year. I resolve that next year our children will make a What Gifts Will I Give This Year list, instead of a Christmas Wish List. I resolve to teach them that when they sit on Santa's lap and he asks them what they want for Christmas to respond, "A surprise would be nice and what kind of cookies do you like?" I resolve that when family members ask what the kids want for Christmas, I will give them some ideas of what I think the kids might like, but not a list that needs to be filled. I hope that our older children will notice a difference as we focus more on giving and that our younger children will grow up really believing that selflessness and a love for all mankind really are, in the words of Linus, "what Christmas is all about."
2 comments:
Andrew and I have already decided we're not teaching our kids about Santa. We'll teach them about the history of Santa and such but they will grow up knowing that Santa isn't real. We'll probably have some other parents get angry at us at some point because "your kid told my kid that Santa isn't real" but I just have a problem with lying to my children about something I don't really approve of in the first place (for the reasons you said, over-commercialization, selfishness, etc).
Don't worry Amy. We also didn't encourage our kids to believe in Santa, but they were smart and respectful enough not to disillusion their believing friends. I imagine yours will do the same. :-) We didn't feel right about telling a bunch of stories about make-believe creatures they couldn't see when we also told them "stories" about real people and important things that they couldn't see (namely God). Seemed once they concluded you were lying about one... They've never believed in the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny either. So presents appeared and stockings were filled on Christmas Eve, but we didn't do letters to Santa or bother with visiting him at the mall. They always knew where the goods were coming from. :-) But even without Santa, it is still challenging to have fun and excitement at Christmas when everyone already has way more STUFF than they need. I love it when my kids make things for each other and/or for us. They have been good about not asking for specifics. Only year we had some really specific requests from a kid, we tracked it to the commercials during the Winnie the Pooh episodes we'd been taping. That was the end of commercial tv at our house. :-)
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